Gone are the days of the Puggles and Griffonshires — and I’m not speaking Harry Potter here — the designer dogs of yesteryear. If you want to stay on top of the dog trends, your furry companion must be some sort of Doodle. That is so say, a hybrid of a poodle and another dog breed. If you haven’t heard, Doodles offer so much more to pet owners than loyalty, love, and wet tongue kisses. These pups are a crossbred genetic jackpot: good with kids, no shedding, and hypoallergenic.
The first thing you need to do if you want a Doodle is to sell one of your kidneys on the black market so you have enough cash to purchase one from a breeder. After you have healed from your off-the-record surgery, you can start sifting through you choices and deciding which type of Doodle is worth one of your vital organs. Note of caution: don’t be convinced to buy a Poo, which is to say, a dog whose name ends with “poo.” Although these are also hybrids of the Poodle, they are pretty much the second class citizen of boutique pooches. Is that what you sold your kidney for? Absolutely not. Doodle or die, bitches.
Diving right in you’ll notice choices are abundant and the decision making process is going to be grueling. These dogs are really fucking cute. If you pee your pants a little from squealing when you see these pictures, don’t be embarrassed. That just means the Doodle process is working for you, and it’s also a side effect from life with one kidney. . . so maybe you want to get used to that.
Here is an Aussiedoodle (Australian Shepherd x Poodle)
Now check out this Sheepadoodle (Old English Sheepdog x Poodle)
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Doodles are worth every bit of the hype. In fact, why stop with dogs — let’s start crossing the goldmine of Poodle DNA with other ordinary things to amp up the awesomeness.
The obvious place to begin is with the Kidadoodle. It’s just plain good sense. No shedding, no allergies, and is great with other kids! I would take a litter of these in a hot minute.
Perhaps after Kidadoodles are perfected, a gifted geneticist will bestow on us the Cockadoodle: a rooster that barks. Wait. . . you thought I meant WHAT?! Your brain is not right, you must have lost a lot of blood from your kidney surgery.
Although I wouldn’t turn my nose up at a Blanketdoodle. That would be one cozy ass blanket also capable of snuggling.
However, if I’m shooting for the stars, I have to say my dream is a Screwadoodle. Which is a dog with a retractable corkscrew on one paw. A Screwadoodle can both open AND fetch your wine. Holy Grail of Doodles.
It’s fair to say that the world would will be a better place once everything’s coming up Doodle.
(Disclaimer: Big props to the women of my Book Club for inspiring this post. It was a hilarious discussion over sushi and had absolutely nothing to do with books.)