When You Need To Name Your All Boys Club

September 10
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I now know how the American Pioneers felt when they pulled that first nugget of gold from the California Trail. For a moment, they stared in awe at the rarity they discovered, then tossed back their head as they lifted their nugget toward the sky in a gesture of victory. I had the same reaction when, upon straightening our playroom, I stumbled upon this list of possible names for a “club,” consisting of my two boys and the boys next door.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you the most impressive list of names incorporating the word “Swag” ever compiled by a group of children age 6-8. Since I typically find Goldfish crumbs and dirty underwear in the playroom, this is by and far the BEST thing I could have uncovered during my evening tidy up.

As a writer, I love playing with language and words, so it is no shock this list makes me over the moon thrilled that perhaps my offspring have inherited my nerd love of bookish things, with a dash of creativity. But after my initial elation, I took a critical eye to this list of hopefuls and found great pleasure in analyzing it.

For example: What, exactly, is a Dudescraper? Is it a skyscraper made OF dudes (much like a totem pole) or FOR dudes? Or is it more literal and this club somehow involves the removal of various things FROM dudes, through the process of scraping? Perhaps it was a misspelling and you meant Dudescrapper because you four boys have formed a baby fight club. Or maybe Dudecrapper, where you all can talk about your favorite word: poop.

Then there is the burning question: Do you even know what Swag/Swagger is? Do you? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t. I guess it’s just fun to say. But all fun slang aside, there are a few mysteries in this list that need to be investigated.

Why are most of the names crossed-off the list negated with one single line, yet The Clubhouse is scratched over multiple times? Did there come a point in this club naming business where one of you (with the pencil) just couldn’t believe how horrible that suggestion was?

Why have you circled hangout, and why is that the only name without proper capitalization? With all those wonderful name possibilities it would be shameful to choose a name as common as (lowercase h) hangout. Don’t make me put you on restriction for being ridiculous! (Spoiler Alert: I have confirmation that the winning name is Swag Nation.)

Why Tree 3? There are 4 of you in this club.

Do you think it is a bit redundant to state, NO GIRLS!!!!, when there are so many name choices that use the word “dude?”

Also…where will you meet? What will you do? How will you use your swag to make a positive impact on your fellow club members? But most importantly, will you make more awesome lists like these? Because they truly are gold.

 

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