Quiz: How Much Hippie Blood Do You Have?

June 25
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Take this quiz to discover how much Hippie Blood runs through your veins.

1. When someone asks you if you would like to accompany them to Bonaroo, you answer:
A. What is Bonaroo?
B. I’ll go for the shows, but I’m not camping.
C. I’m in!
D. Dude, my band has a morning spot on the side stage.

2. How many times have you tried all natural deodorant?
A. Never
B. A few times, but I always go back to Speed Stick.
C. I make my own.
D. Who needs deodorant?

3. You come down with a raging fever and all over body aches. Do you:
A. Dip into your plentiful stash of meds.
B. Try some essential oils and then break down and take some IB profin.
C. Call your Chinese Medicine guy to mix you up a special brew.
D. Cod Liver Oil. Chew on bark. Repeat.

4. When someone mentions homeschool, you:
A. Scoff and change the subject.
B. Listen with interest and fear.
C. Shout, Whoot, whoot! 
D. Laugh and say, “That’s so antiquated. The answer is to unschool.”

5. The thought of women having access to free birth control makes you:
A. Break out in hives and go temporarily blind.
B. Pump your fist in the air and say, ” ‘Bout time!”
C. Thank the Goddess
D. Spin around in your floor length gauze skirt while pointing to your tattoo of Flowaria, the patron saint of ovulation.

For every question you answered “A”, give yourself 0 points.
For every question you answered “B”, give yourself 1 point.
For every question you answered “C”, give yourself 2 points.
For every question you answered “D”, give yourself 3 points.
Total your score to find our how much hippie blood you have.

Drip-Drop (0-3 points)
Mantra: What has recycling ever done for me?
Spirit Animal: Ronald Reagan

Drip-Drops possess little to no hippie blood and are very skeptical of words like organic, natural and earth-friendly. They feel most comfortable in the company of like-minded Drip-Drops who share their love of donating to charity, the golf channel and high-brow liquors. Drip-Drops never shop the clearance section, because if no one else wants it, why should they? Their yards are always well manicured.

Dixie Cup (4-7 points)
Mantra: I’ll give it a try.
Spirit Animal: Golden Doodle

Dixie Cups dabble in the Hippie arts but just can’t lean in all the way. They want to use non-toxic deodorant and face cream, but they also don’t want to smell like dinner and really like what they see from Botox. Dixie Cups fantasize about dipping their toe in the pool of recreational drugs, but end up snuggling with their old pal, Pinot Noir, instead – it’s just easier. They are hella good dancers.

Solo Cup (8-11 points)
Mantra: Have backpack, will travel.
Spirit Animal: Wild Caught Salmon

Solo Cups are super chill. They can build a yurt, play the sitar and make a bong out of a dried starfish – all while wearing a baby on their back! Solo Cups are gracious hosts who invite tons of friends to their backyard bonfires. They have freakish endurance for biking.

Punch Bowl (12-15 points)
Mantra: Love, peace and organic/GMO-free/sustainable/fair trade hair grease.
Spirit Animal: Aboriginal Coyote

Punch Bowls have so much Hippie Blood, it oozes out of their pores and is used to tie dye their hemp clothing. They live off the grid and only roll into “town” when it’s time to pick up the CSA box and raw milk. Solo cups can simultaneously breastfeed and smoke a joint. They make loyal friends.

Download The Exhausted Person's Guide To Finding More Chill


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