The Spouse Conversation Translator APP

December 3
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Can someone please invent this?! I mean, technically, I just invented the IDEA of it…but I mean someone who knows how to create APPS for real. Pretty please?

The Spouse Conversation Translator APP breaks down the real meaning of small statements that can lead to giant fights, awkward moments and general miscommunications. After opening the APP, have your partner speak directly into your smartphone and allow the SCTA to work it’s magic.

After analyzing the statement, the APP will give you the option to either hear the real meaning of what your spouse has said or you may choose to have the message sent to you in text format. Either way, the conversation can move on in a clear and conflict-free manner. Here are some examples:

What He said: A guy I work with wants to have us over for a barbeque at his house.

What She heard: Some random wants you to come make chit-chat with his wife while he burns some baby backs on his George Forman.

Translation from The Spouse Conversation Translator APP: There’s a guy I work with who is a really incredible cook. He wants to smoke prime rib and pair each course with wines – it should be delicious! Wasn’t it thoughtful of him to include us?

What She said: Goodnight.

What He heard: Wanna have sex?

Translation from the SCTA: I’m completely exhausted and should be snoring approximately 5 minutes after my head hits the pillow, but if you hit me up for a nooner tomorrow you just might have a chance.

What He said: These towels smell like mildew.

What She heard: You have no idea how to properly clean laundry.

Translation from the SCTA: It has absolutely nothing to do with what a skillful laundress you are, however, I noticed a odd scent on the towels. Perhaps we can work together to crack this case and freshen our linens.

What She said: Can you stop and get some milk on your way home from picking up the boys at football practice?

What He heard: Can. Boys. Football.

Translation from the SCTA: First, pick up boys at football practice. That is today, by the way. At 5:00. Next, get back in your car, parked in the 3rd row of the parking lot and press the GPS setting that says “grocery store.” Walk into store. Remember to bring the children with you. Proceed to the dairy section and find a white gallon size jug with a label that says “MILK.” Purchase milk at register and leave store, with children. Find your car parked in the 5th spot to the left from the store entrance. Start car and press the setting that says “home” on the GPS.

What He said: We’re having pasta for dinner?

What She heard: I don’t appreciate the hot meal you prepared for me.

Translation from the SCTA: Let me start by saying, thank you for all you do, especially when it comes to making nutritious meals for our family. I have noticed the menu over past few weeks has been a tad pasta heavy – is there anything I can do to help with the planning, cooking or clean up revolving around mealtime?

What She said: I’m going to take a shower.

What He heard: I will be naked soon.

Translation by the SCTA: I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days. Fifteen minutes of uninterrupted self-grooming is all I ask. If you can just let me have this shower, I’ll do my best to make time for some hand stuff later.

These examples clearly demonstrate the boost you will see in your relationship after purchasing the Spouse Conversation Translator App for only $1.99. So, the next time you think you heard your loved one say something rude, disrespectful or undermining, take a moment to pause, find your phone and let SCTA work it’s magic.

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