Going to The Park: A Timeline
5:00AM : The seven year old wakes you, he has had a bad dream. Also, he needs to pee. One more thing, he is too scared to go back to his bed and needs to sleep with you. And by “sleep” he means press his feet into your back and ask you questions every 3 minutes.
5:30AM: After ceaseless pleas, you concede and take the seven year old downstairs. You end his dire starvation with a bowl of cereal. You make yourself a cup of coffee, turn on the television for the seven year old and beg the slumber gods to make the five year old sleep until at least 7:00AM.
5:35AM: Make a piece of toast for the five year old. His sixth sense knew you were up and he could not bare to miss out on the sunrise pre party.
6:00AM: With gusto and enthusiasm, announce the plan to meet friends at the park today!
6:10AM: Answer the question, “How long until we we go to the park?” for the first time. Explain that 10:30AM is 4 hours from now. Make some suggestions for how they can spend the next 4 hours.
6:20AM: Answer the question, “How long until we go to the park?” for the second time.
7:00AM: Get in the shower.
7:10AM: Shampoo, scrub face and shave one leg before a crying child appears on your bathroom floor. As you attempt to gather the details of the incident that interrupted your shower, a second child appears in your bathroom, also in tears.
7:11AM: Dry off and diffuse the situation. Vow to shave that second leg tomorrow.
7:15AM; Answer the question, “How long until we go to the park?” for the third time.
7:20AM: Get your hands on a second cup of coffee. Make a mental list of all the things you need to do in preparation for the park: pack snacks, load bikes in car, fill water bottles.
7:45AM: That second cup of coffee went down so smooth, why not enjoy a third? You don’t have to leave the house until 10:00 to be at the park by 10:30, so clearly you have plenty of time. Yes, time is on your side this morning. Go ahead and pop open your laptop for a minute and see if anyone has posted a hilarious new video.
9:30AM: Force yourself to close your laptop and stand up. Review the mental list of things you need to do before going to the park. Find a bag to put the snacks in and set it on the counter. Answer the question, “How long until we go to the park?” for the 100th time. Remind yourself never to reveal the day’s plan 4 hours out. Realize you absolutely have enough time to pick up the house and run the vacuum. Who doesn’t love coming home to a clean house after a long day at the park?
10:05AM: Glance at the clock and scream in shock! Rapidly stuff snacks into the bag you placed on the counter 30 minutes ago and start shouting for everyone to get their shoes on. Fill the water bottles. Load bikes in the car.
10:10AM: Turn off the television and tell everyone to put their shoes on. Help everyone find their shoes while ranting about all the time this is taking.
10:12AM: The five year old announces he needs to poop.
10:25AM: Get everyone loaded into the car. The seven year old announces that he needs to poop.
10:40AM: Reload everyone into the car and push off.
11:15AM: Congratulations! You have arrived at the park.
Realize you left the filled water bottles sitting on the counter.