Adages for Modern Moms

November 5
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Eat to live, and not live to eat.
What do you mean there is “nothing to eat?” I just spent $200 at the grocery store this morning!

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Early to bed and let her sleep in, then mom will give you ice cream again.

What goes up must come down.
Everything that has made its way upstairs, is supposed to be downstairs. And vice versa.

If you shake trees be prepared to rake leaves.
If you shake that can of soda it will explode. Stop that! Do not open that can! Where did you even get soda? You are going to clean that up. 

You don’t pull the mask off the Lone Ranger.
You don’t delete my shows from the DVR until I say. 

Birds of a feather flock together.
You will never have a pet bird. Never. Neh. Ver.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Don’t talk to me while I’m reading my book. I still have 200 pages and book club is in 3 hours.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Too many cooks? Who has that problem? I want that problem. 

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
A friend who brings Starbucks is a friend indeed.

A locked door only hides what you want.
A locked door is the only way to have an uninterrupted shower or shit. Sometimes. OK, almost never. Locked doors bring hollow promises of privacy.  OR  A locked door makes everyone need to find you immediately.

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.
Every time a phone dings, a mom checks Facebook.

A three legged stool cannot wobble.
A three legged stool cannot wobble until your toddler rams a monster truck into it and makes it a two legged stool. Then it falls over constantly. Finally, after months of stepping around it in the garage you decide to take it to the dump.

A watched pot never boils.
Unwatched pots usually boil over while you are cleaning up two messes and refereeing a fight over the wii remote.

Actions speak louder than words.
Wine is always better than words.

An adventure of 1,000 miles begins with one step.
Getting the family one step out the door requires 1,000 minutes. 

An apple a day keeps the doctor away
The apple is peeled. The apple is sliced. There is a glob of peanut butter to dip your apple slices in. No, you may not have pretzels instead.

A picture’s worth a thousand words.
A picture taken on a phone is lucky to make it to instagram but will likely never be printed and framed.

What are your modern adages? Submit them in the comments!

 

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