It’s Ugly? {GASP!}

September 4
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I’m loosing my edge.

I was walking down a sidewalk in my neighborhood and noticed a “No Trespassing” sign on a neighbor’s fence.
I gasped.
Not just a gasp. A big mouth-gaping-wide-with-open-palmed-hand-to-chest gasp.
The reaction was more appropriate for witnessing a car jacking or seeing a cheetah walk through my backyard. But a No Trespassing sign? It was over the top.

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Let me tell you a ‘lil bit about my former ‘hood.

  • Randoms would knock on the door at 9:00PM asking for bus money.
  • I was once asked by a woman passing by if I had some chips and a coke she could have.
  • There were multiple police chases through our street, one ending with a car crashed into a neighbor’s front porch.
  • More than once, the police helicopter was flying low over the house with it’s lights in our backyard.
  • One street over, there was a federal siege on a house running a meth lab/illegal gay porn ring.
  • Someone stole my husband’s car and left their bike in it’s place.
  • One afternoon I looked out my window and saw 2 teens performing sexual acts on my corner.

And these are just the greatest hits. There are so many more little details and every day occurrences that just faded into the background. A big part of that background included  “No Trespassing” signs! They were on nearly every fence, house and gate in the neighborhood. Including mine. 

Here is the gospel truth: when I saw that sign a few days ago, as quickly as I dramatically gasped, I thought, “how ugly.” Yes folks, it seems that life in upscale suburban Tennessee has made me loose my shit over a small paper sign purchased at Home Depot. Why? Because it’s ugly. What. Has. Happened?

The sign should have been made of barn wood and burlap. It should have read, “Be a darlin’ and don’t trespass. Thanks, y’all!” It would – of course! – be hand painted in an adorable font. This sign would have made me smile. BECAUSE I HAVE GONE SOFT!

I do have some street cred under my belt -I have taken on a homeless meth rager and worn a mouse costume at a pizza factory. Now I have a wreath for every holiday.

I was not expecting this to happen. The sweetness snuck up from behind. It’s like when you have been driving for a while and all of sudden you look out and wonder how you got so far down the road. One day I was carrying pepper spray and now I am appalled by black signs with orange lettering. This is not acceptable.


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